trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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