Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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