sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
