and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
