So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
