At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
