At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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