Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
