So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize