If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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