I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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