im six kinds of drunk right now
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
