I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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