Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
