The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
