i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
