jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
