What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
