Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
