I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
