he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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