I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
