I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
