just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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