They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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