Soap is not a condiment
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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