I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
