whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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