I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
