i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
