My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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