Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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