I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
where are my pants?
in the oven.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
