Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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