I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You're my little dorito
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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