i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
