The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
