You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
