I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize