whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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