you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
