Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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