i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You need Xanax blowdarts
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
