just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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