No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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