I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
