Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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