he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
