dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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