No stitches, just platelets and will power
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
