Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize