So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
