i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
