and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He called his prostate his "boner button".
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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