dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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