i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
