Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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