I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
