I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
