remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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