she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize