Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
