You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
