wrigley field is MILF paradise
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
