i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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