Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
