it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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