Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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