if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
