did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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