On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
