My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
