bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Ketchup is God's man juice
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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