Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
